Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
