apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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