Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
