Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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