The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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