No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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