I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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