You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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