The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
