just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
