you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
