so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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