I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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