I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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