Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
