Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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