I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
