You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
