Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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