toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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