Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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