Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
