Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Will exercising make me less horny?
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