two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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