It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
