What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
