Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
