You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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