i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
