Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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