Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
