Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
