My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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