Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
