I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
