the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
