are you still at the devil's house?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
