You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
please don't ironically join a cult
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