He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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