shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He better not be in your backpack
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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