at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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