Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Found your dick twin last night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Bring me that man meat
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
