hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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