omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
