Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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