38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
40s are totally the cure
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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