it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
