I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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