if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
