I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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