Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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