Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
